I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
