I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
