To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
