dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
