and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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