Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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