u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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