omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
