I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
