Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
