he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
