you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
