Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
