No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
