just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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