Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
