when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
