Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
