Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
