hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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