at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
