Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
