he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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