I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
