Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I looked at my own cervix.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
