So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Randomize
