1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
