I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
