wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
