he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
