What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
