Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
