I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
