Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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