How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
