I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
