You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
