in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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