He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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