God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
