White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
