yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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