Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
