he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
