so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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