Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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