I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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