party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
