He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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