So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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