she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
