my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
