My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
