If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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